Why?

I have been really evaluating why I am losing weight, and why I want to get back down to 180 pounds. I know I mentioned some of this in the initial post here, but I want to get into more depth. I know, this might bore most of you, but it is going to help me better understand my motivation.

Actually, since I hit 40, and since I was saved, I have been doing a serious reevaluation of who I was, who I am, and who I need to be to do God's will. Maybe this is my mid life crisis. I don't want a fast car or a Harley or anything.....well, I would love a Harley, but.... I just want to know that I am following God's will and fulfilling his plan willingly in my roles as Father, Husband, Son, Brother, Uncle, etc..., and Spiritual Leader of my family.

Some of you have known me since we started First Grade at Village Meadows. Some of my memories of back then are cloudy, but honestly, I don't like the person I was through those years. This would include up through high school and into college. That may sound strange to some. Someone at the 2005 Reunion told my wife that I was the "Nice Guy". The one you could trust no matter the situation. I do know who it was, and I really appreciate that. But honestly, I don't really think I was that much of a nice guy.

I was very much a selfish jerk. All I could think about was how something affected me, and what I wanted out of a person or situation. Just ask the ladies I dated during our senior year. Fortunately they have not held it against me, but what a horse's butt I was to them. And yes, I know, it wasn't limited to that year. I also know that I allowed a "scenario" to turn me from my true friends through our first three years of high school, and when I came out the other end, they were standing there waiting for me with no recriminations. I definitely did not deserve that level of friendship, but am all the more grateful for it.

Wow, so I didn't really plan on spilling like this. So, about the weight loss. I am not losing this weight to try to be one of the "Beautiful People". I so bad wanted to be one through high school and college. I am not interested in what society thinks about my morbid obesity anymore.

I want to be able to watch my children grow into adults. I want to see them get married and have children of their own. I want to watch them succeed as strong Christian young men. I want to watch them struggle, and some times fail, but go to God, let him pick them back up, teach them, and come out the other end stronger for it. I want to watch my grandchildren go through this same thing.

No, I don't expect to live to be 150. Fact is, when I turned 40, I half jokingly commented to my sons that I was on the "downhill side". I doubt I will live much past 80. I have put my body through to much over the years for it to hold up much beyond that. That is just my layman's opinion.

However, I hope that of all that I do, I can be the role model to my sons that my father was and is for me, both spiritually, intellectually, and physically. Thanks Dad(and Mom), for always being there when I needed you, for letting me fall when I needed to, and for showing me how to get on my knees, go to the One who can help me back up, and to grow from the experience.

Thank you Big Guy and Butterbean, for allowing me to be your father, for making me so proud of you no matter what the situation, and for helping me to see God's Glory in you daily. One day you will look upon your children and know the depth of love I feel for you. And sweetheart, thanks for spending your life with me and helping me to raise these beautiful gifts from God.

Thank you Lord, for giving your son so that this humble, wretched sinner can be saved. Thank you for allowing me to be blessed with the wonderful immediate and extended family that I have. I could not ask for more. Thank you for showing me each day that you are on your throne, that you are in control, and that I can trust your will.

Okay, so I know I rambled all over the place with this. If you are still here, and I would imagine most bailed out a long ways back, thanks for reading. Bottom line, I am losing this weight so that I can better do God's will, period. I hope you have a blessed day.